Letter: “I don’t know why I’m writing this – it’s so unlike me to actually feel ‘hopeless.’ I am a single mom raising two teenage boys. After my youngest was assaulted on the way to school last year, I quit a decent job in television to start my own marketing/p.r. business out of my home.
The two clients I had at the time allowed me to make more money than I had working for the television station. And then in March, one of the clients and I parted ways. We had very different expectations. Ultimately, we each had contrasting views about what my role would be. That cut my income in half.
I have attracted one new client – but at a third of what my former client paid. And now, I’m heavily in debt. And now, I’m in debt (deeply), my account is overdrawn because my other significant client “got behind” and didn’t put in my automatic payment into my account until yesterday – and it takes 24-72 hours for it to show up (they had told me it was going to be put in last Thursday)! My ex’s child support is late and I don’t even have enough money to pay for groceries until the money shows up. I’m terrified that checks will bounce and I’ll be left with nothing.
I can’t sleep. My stomach is in knots. I almost feel as if my kids would be better off with their dad. He’s very well off and could afford to give them everything I can’t.
I don’t know how to get out of this poverty mentality. I don’t understand why I feel so inadequate when it comes to my finances. Tomorrow I have a meeting with a potential client and I can’t even focus on putting together a presentation for him. It’s as if I already know that he won’t want to work with me, let alone PAY me. I get so excited about things, I have such lofty expectations and then everything falls flat.
In ALL other areas of my life, I’m doing well. My kids are terrific – with warm hearts, straight-A students, excellent athletes. I don’t have weight issues.
I don’t have problems with my relationships with the opposite sex. It’s just that MONEY seems to be slipping out of my grasp.
Quite honestly, I do believe that money buys a fair amount of happiness. At least for me, knowing what I’ve gone through these past years, it would buy some peace of mind. And that’s what I want. Freedom and peace of mind. To travel where I desire. To do what I wish. To FEEL how I want to feel.
Can you help me get out of this negative spiral?”
Thanks so much for writing. And I hope you are getting better. YEP. I’ve been there a few times. I can remember days when all I could do was walk around the house saying, ‘I just want to smile and be happy’ over and over. Eventually, I did start to feel better. Now, feeling happy is my dominant feeling.
Actually, you are an excellent ‘attractor’–look at what you are telling yourself about money and then notice how you are attracting more of the same.
If I were coaching you, I would ask you to take a piece of paper, and draw a very large letter T on it. Label the left column “I don’t want” and the right column “I do want”.
First make a list of everything you don’t want. Just use the letter you sent to me and write down things like:
I don’t appreciate clients paying me late.
I don’t want cheap clients who can’t afford to pay what I’m worth.
I don’t want child support payments to be late.
Get all the negatives OUT of yourself and onto paper.
Then read through each item, and ask yourself, “If I don’t want this, what do I want?” and write down what you DO want in the right hand column.
When you’ve written a ‘Do Want’ for each item on the left, FOLD THE PAPER down the middle so you are looking at the ‘Do Want’ list. Keep that list in front of you at all times. Start to imagine what it would feel like having clients who JOYFULLY pay for your services. How wonderful it is when the Child Support checks arrive a day early! Keep your focus on what you DO WANT. If you start to think or talk about something on the ‘Don’t Want’ side, just say, “I’ve dealt with that, AND what I DO want is…”
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Once thriving spots, these villages, towns and cities now stand abandoned. Their empty buildings, streets and even cars left for nature to reclaim over the years.